Maybe?

"Please let me know before hand, and I will come out to meet you." (River Merchant's Wife: A Letter, Li Po)

Sometimes I just get lost. Lost at what to feel and do, a part of me is falling apart. The powerhouse to my system is dying, the old me is disappearing day by day. Most of the people I hang out with probably would notice this, I think. They're not used to seeing me like this of all people. But guess what, I am. I fake smiles like a pro. Not all the people who always smiles and laughs are always happy, you don't know what they feel beneath that thick make up of a smile. 

I don't know if this is worth blogging. It's my shiz all over again. Sorry. If this is part of growing up, someone or something might as well warned me right? It hurts. It hurts to know that the might be a small hope for me or you. That sorta, kinda, maybe feeling then suddenly it all comes back to you as a joke. 

That feeling when you're not worth it or you question yourself, what am I doing here. They're so perfect I don't stand a chance at all. Yes. That's what I feel right now. I question myself, what re you here for? Point is, I don't know. I don't think I even know myself right now. 

I'm confused and just ugh lost.